I don't know what I'm feeling

It feels like time is slipping by but that it isn't going fast enough. It feels like forever since the last time I was able to see my friends. It is so weird how people can have such great friendships and yet they seem to just go away one day. I guess times change.

I miss

I miss inside jokes.
I miss the way you used to hug me.
I miss the good times of just sitting in silence with each other and that was enough.
I miss how would could talk for hours on end and never run out of things to talk about.
I miss the classes we had together.
I miss having seminary with you.
I miss how we enjoyed the same music together.
I miss our car rides to random places.
I miss how we would come up with crazy stories about how things were going to be as we got older.
I miss our dreams of how we were going to go places in life.
I miss the way you would hold me when I was sad and how it made everything seem alright for that one small instant.
I miss the way that you could talk me out of doing stupid things.
I miss the crazy things we would do together.
I miss the movies we would see together.
I miss the way you made me laugh.
I miss the way we were such close friends and that we thought nothing could come between us. I miss the fact that I always believed you whenever you made a promise to me.
I miss the way we opened up to each other.
I miss seeing you.
I miss having you there for me when I needed you most...
but most of all I miss my best friend.

different

Wow...so i'm out of high school now and trying to figure out where i want to go in life. It's crazy to have to plan out a lot of things. I never really thought it would come this fast and yet here it is. it is time for me to pick what i want in life and what i am willing to do in order to get those things. Things are a lot different from what i thought they were going to be...

the dreams gone

today I did something that was really hard for me. I never realized how much drama meant to me. I mean i didn't talk about it as much as others. I know I complained about it but I really do have a love for it.

One acts were something I was looking really forward to do but now I guess that dream is over. I guess in a way a lot of dreams are over.

I just hope people know I didn't drop it to run away from problems. I needed to do it just to make it so I will grad. when I'm supposed to. its funny that sometimes you can tell people and they don't believe you will do what you say and then the next thing they know you've done it.

I figure rumors will start soon but I guess thats a price that comes when you do something like this.

I just wish I didn't feel so upset...

how i feel

I feel ugly and that I'm not good enough for anyone.

burnt out

So i feel like I'm hitting a wall. like i can't make myself go on much longer with everything. I know i'm not the only one that is feeling this way and i'm sorry for complaining about it.

I'm really upset though. I have been trying to get everything figured out for school and it seems like the work will never end. Not to mention i'm sick now.

another thing thats bugging me is all our friends are split. I noticed I get mad with the way some people act. I also noticed that instead of wanting to be around each other anymore we all try to find reasons not to. I figured that since it was our last year we would want to be as close as possible until the end.

am I the only one that feels this way?

Walls

Sometimes we put up walls.
Not to keep people out,
but to see who cares
enough to knock them down.