going crazy

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I'm sick and hurt

I can't figure it out. something is killing me on the inside. I've never felt like this. people can be so mean and I know everyone has their problems but why take it out on everyone around. I know I haven't been doing the best when it comes to that stuff but lately I feel so much tension between people. I can't take it anymore.

I've tried to explain it to people that I really think care but I don't want to drag them down with me. Besides it seems like everyone is just watching their own backs. I want to tell someone so bad. I want to let them in more then I've ever wanted to with anyone. Yet somehow I can't seem to let myself. I can't drag you down with me. I'm supposed to be helping building you up. look what I ended up doing...I've hurt you and myself.

I have heard from people saying that others think I complain to much. I guess maybe I do. the thing I don't get though is that others say I don't tell them what I should. that I need to get things out but isn't that complaining. I feel like no matter what I do no one will be happy with me. I feel used and abused. I feel like all the people care about is that I have money or can be a ride. I don't feel like anyone likes me for me.

People say you shouldn't run away from your problems but what if the thing that is hurting you the most is the thing your trying to get away from? I don't feel like I'm doing anything right or helping other people considering they've been talking crap about me so why not just run away?

I really am sick and hurt...

3 Comments:

  • At 5:23 PM, Blogger Marisa of the Sea said…

    Mette, like we already talked a little about I totally agree. We need to run away. I can't do the whole school, home, church thing anymore. I just get "your not doing what you should be"... and I can't do it anymore... I can't help people and because of it I can't help myself. Stupid empathy thing...

     
  • At 10:03 PM, Blogger thesexyswede said…

    I'll admit it. It was me. I said that you complain too much, and I'm sticking by it. You complain about petty things, like doing a show, beast for example, you hated it and you were only on stage for like 5 minutes. The other day you were complaining about being in Comedy of Errors, and the Dining Room.

    I love you, but what the heck man! You're complaining about the wrong things! we care about you! I care about you and want you to be happy! but all you are doing is telling us superficial problems instead of what is really bothering you. I've only gotten you to open up like...three times and even then the conversations ended with, "whatever" or "K"...

    Don't run away. Cowards run...and you are NOT a coward.

     
  • At 3:01 PM, Blogger Jaimbo said…

    mette u dont complain too much.......obviously the sexyswede doesnt know u very well......u are very positive and u always listen to others complain.......u are the listener mette........not the complainer........i love u.....im always here.....everyone complains.......its part of being human

     

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