all alone and no one is here

The pain runs deep but I can't feel a thing. I'm numb again and its all my fault. I didn't have to let this happen. I should of never let go but something inside of me won me over. I sit here and can see the blood run down but I don't feel a thing. But I feel something else a pain inside of me. I wish more then anything I could replace that pain with a feeling of physical pain instead. what I wouldn't give to not have to feel this way. I'm ready to scream and cry but I won't let myself. nothing will let me do it. I'm not weak. I can't let others see me weak. The only problem is I know I'm weak. I feel like I've lost almost everything. I don't know where to start picking up the pieces. People always ask whats worse getting dumped or dumping the person. I feel that it hurts more to know that you've hurt someone else. I would much rather it be me getting hurt by someone else then causing pain to anyone.

Please just once let me feel my physical pain more then anything else...