going crazy

Friday, December 30, 2005

all alone and no one is here

The pain runs deep but I can't feel a thing. I'm numb again and its all my fault. I didn't have to let this happen. I should of never let go but something inside of me won me over. I sit here and can see the blood run down but I don't feel a thing. But I feel something else a pain inside of me. I wish more then anything I could replace that pain with a feeling of physical pain instead. what I wouldn't give to not have to feel this way. I'm ready to scream and cry but I won't let myself. nothing will let me do it. I'm not weak. I can't let others see me weak. The only problem is I know I'm weak. I feel like I've lost almost everything. I don't know where to start picking up the pieces. People always ask whats worse getting dumped or dumping the person. I feel that it hurts more to know that you've hurt someone else. I would much rather it be me getting hurt by someone else then causing pain to anyone.

Please just once let me feel my physical pain more then anything else...


  • At 10:24 PM, Blogger kikkoBEAM said…

    WOAH, WOAH...
    oh no
    oh no


    this is retarded!

    If it's pain from hurting someone else, letting them go... you just have to make sure that it was the right decision and that your pain is worth it.
    But in the end of any relationship pain is definately inevitable, on both ends.
    both ends feel just as terrible in different ways.
    one side is guilt, the other that your not good enough...

    its a crappy thing.
    distnace is a crappy thing.

    I HATE THIS....
    but i LOVE YOU!
    big hugs!!!***

  • At 3:00 PM, Blogger Marisa of the Sea said…

    Mette, I know this is a hard time. It's a hard time for more than just you and you know that. I've been through similar things and it sucks. But you know that too. Just don't let the things people say and do get to you. I lost some people that I thought were good friends because of the things I did. But it just showed me that they weren't good friends. Good friends are the ones that stick by you no matter what. I love you so much. *HUGS*

  • At 9:20 PM, Blogger boobies said…

    k so i think the computer i'm on is retarded and might not have just posted wat i typed but we need to talk my post was long and i don't want to type again

    love you

  • At 11:37 AM, Blogger thesexyswede said…

    Don't let the pain win. fight it mette.

    Don't push us away. You don't have to go through this alone.

  • At 4:46 PM, Blogger The Short One said…

    I miss you...and I'm not even gone yet! Sheesh.

    Duh, if only I could have slept over instead of promising my friend I would pick him up when he got plastered.

    I need more Mariette.

    We will talk this week. Oh yes...we WILL.

    I love you!

    And like you told me, spring is almost here. It will get better. It just has to.

  • At 7:06 PM, Blogger Brynifred said…

    Oh button...

    Dear, sweet, little button!

    I know on peoples posts I always put that Im there anytime. And in a way its true, but when looking at it under a different light, Im NEVER there.

    I know telling you that my phone is always on wont help anything. No one except Shamae ever uses that. I know you think you can do these things without others, but you cant. Im not calling you weak.

    Maybe the fact that you dont like to tell other people your problem isnt because your weak. Its because you dont want to hurt them too or bring them down.

    Guess what! It doesnt hurt us. It doesnt bring us down. Sometimes, the only way to pick ourselves up again is to help out another friend. Anyone it does hurt should not be a "friend".

    I love you Mariette. I really love my friends. I dont want the most recent post on my blog (temper tantrums) to make anyone think that I was mad at them, I hate them or that anything I said was somehow their fault. It wasnt. That was all me.

    If you dont want to call on anyone for help, at least try this.

    Step 1: Take three deep breaths.
    Step 2: Take a warm bath/shower while you listen to your favorite cd.
    Step 3: Put on your most comfortable outfit (generally pajamas) and slippers (slippers are a must!)
    Step 4: Make yourself some hot chocolate or some other really comforting snack and settle down to your favorite movie.

    If for some reason, you do not own your favorite movie... Call me up. Say "Im having an awful day. I need a movie." And I will buy it for you.

    These steps, and the movie buying, go for anyone.

    Some days, you just need to...

  • At 7:10 PM, Blogger Brynifred said…

    Generally speaking, its always best to trick your whole family into leaving the house for a few hours before starting those steps.

    For some reason its nicer when youre alone...


  • At 11:30 AM, Blogger Jaimbo said…

    Mette....it makes me sad that you are sad. If there is anything i can do to take the pain away please let me know. I love you....

  • At 1:15 AM, Blogger The Short One said…


    no really.

    i'm serious here.

    see? look at how serious my face is?

    *seriousest face*

  • At 6:16 PM, Blogger Jaimbo said…

    i love you to jenesse.......for all of mettes friends that think i hate them,......i dont. Jenesse we should hang out when u come back down.......really we should.

  • At 6:16 PM, Blogger Jaimbo said…

    we should all go shopping together. Yeah!! ha ha


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